Valium Air: Flight DL040 SFO to LDN

In Uncategorized on November 22, 2010 at 5:25 pm

It’s hard to be taken seriously when you are wearing three red Delta airline blankets. At least that’s why I’m guessing the Air Hostesses (Air Hostessi?) are ignoring me. I do not have the air of someone who might be important, neither am I about to offer anyone a bunk-up in the toilet.

I imagine using the phrase Air Hostess is woefully un-pc. I don’t care though. It puts me in mind of the 70’s and those Cinzano ads with Leonard Rossiter and Joan Collins. Which if you care to remember, were awesome.


Sue the Air Hostess likes the man in front. That’s probably not her real name but she has a Sue-like quality that only comes from having a piece of Cinnamon chewing gum eternally present in the corner of her mouth like a little squishy maggot. That and her mousy brown tones that she takes up a notch with the help of a hair dye she bought at Walgreens. ‘Chestnut Flame’ it said on the box and showed a picture of a Sahara skinned woman with a tic-tac perfect smile.

After Sue washed the dye from the back of her ears and gave herself a rough towel dry, the reality was a somewhat disappointing ruddy sheen. Like a cheap Beaujolais held under an energy saving lightbulb. Her teeth were  still the same crooked shards. For an American, Sue did not have good teeth.

Sue keeps calling the man in front ‘Trouble’. He doesn’t seem that troublesome to me, although he did ask for non-dairy creamer. Perhaps in aviation terms that spells trouble with a capital T. Perhaps later he’ll flip and try to stab the Captain with the individually wrapped plastic tooth pick that came in the cellophane cutlery pack.

I hope not.


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